i have no confidence

this summer (2019) has so far left me feeling as if i am, quite frankly, completely wasting my life. in other words, my hot girl summer has been more of a sad girl summer.  the past few weeks i have spent my time thinking about ways i could possibly address this.  therapy? large amounts of alcohol and bagel bites?  as a college student in new york city, these things (or really, most things) are out of budget.  the solution came to me on a thursday near 23rdst as i ran past a woman yelling “miss?  miss! MISS!” at me from her folding chair outside of her storefront advertising a $10 special.  who better to solve my ongoing sense of void than a groupon psychic?

i first went to a psychic the summer of 2017.  i was on vacation with my family in jersey.  a blonde woman read my left palm.  this time around, two years later, i wanted to have my tarot cards read.  i found a groupon for $25 for a tarot reading AND a palm reading.  a week later i headed to the upper east side to a door number four with a broken buzzer.

this was my first experience having my tarot cards read.  i pulled 18 cards out of the spread and she flipped them over in threes.  in general, my reading was fairly accurate, but two specific things stuck with me, the first being: “u have no confidence.”

as these words came out of her mouth, i was like ok tru but why u gotta be so loud?  i know i have very little to no confidence, i don’t need someone else to tell me that.  surprisingly she was able to pinpoint exactly where in my past this was coming from (more on that later, perhaps.  idk probably not actually.)  in short, i love how men continue to make me feel like i’m nothing!  haha!  this leads me to the other sticking point: “u are destined for love.”

anyone who knows me or my work knows that i am absolutely enthralled by the idea of love.  i love love!…even though i have yet to experience it.  i have loved people, sure, but i don’t think i have ever been ~in love~ with someone. as she glances over at the swords i’ve pulled (i pulled almost exclusively swords lol), she tells me i’ve been searching for love but my energy is so strong that no one can match it. like, FACTS!!!!!!  no wonder these men always bail after a couple of months, they don’t stand a chance against my POWER; however, this seems a little contradictory since i have no confidence.  so, what is the moral of the story then?  i think perhaps this psychic was trying to tell me that while i might be destined for love, it is really, and i mean REALLY, far away.  in short, i am single and probably not ready to mingle. i’m still gonna mingle tho.  i need it for my #art           

Using Format