don’t u wish ur girlfriend was sad like me

why am i crying right now *murder your memory by title fight plays on repeat in the background*

it is no secret that i am sad.  in fact, if u were to ask me, i’d probably tell u that i like being sad.  it is simply a part of my personality at this point. i don’t know who i’d be if i weren’t sad.  it is a necessary component of accomplishing anything for me.  i cannot think of a time that i created anything because i was happy.  it just doesn’t have the same weight as stuff that i come up with when i’m in my feelings. give me drama!  give me heartbreak!  give me deeply rooted self esteem issues!  give me skins uk seasons one and two!

my sadness has never been something that i am very good at dealing with (i am not good at dealing with anything in a healthy manner really).  this is perhaps because it comes at me from many different angles, and when it does come at me, i’m like “word!  time to be miserable!”  i don’t think this is necessarily a badddd thing.  i think everyone deserves a good mourning period; mine r just very extensive and intense and reoccurring…and brought on by myself most of the time. when i am sad, i only want to make myself moresad.  at this point i even have a bit of a routine:

-sad music (this is easy if u were emo af in high school like me and never truly got out of that phase; brand new, tigers jaw, citizen, basement, title fight, moose blood, etc. are great mood setters) (honestly?  we could even throw some lil uzi vert in here)

-look at instagram accounts that make me say “gross” but also “i felt that :’( “  (badkissings, okaymiserable, goddamn.333, secondsapart are a good place to start) (pls don’t come for me for these i know they r very high school tumblr-ish but i promise there is some gold there just dig deep)

-lay in bed staring at the ceiling with ankles crossed and hands folded across stomach (this is ULTIMATE being sad position)

-dr. pepper and strawberry sour straws (a necessity for any mood tbh)

-sad movie (gaspar noe’s “love”.  PERIOD. the only movie anyone should ever need)

now u might think this is counterproductive.  it is! i’m just not ready to give up my sadness quiteyet (i have a senior thesis to come up with y’all). there r many points throughout my life where i have felt happiness; they just don’t punch me in the face like being sad does.  when happiness starts to feel like a punch in the face, maybe i will finally put my emo tendencies to rest (this is unlikely #emo4ever).  until then, *insert “sad pensive face” and “sign of the horns” emojis*          

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